All along, Tall Guy has known that I have a blog. And throughout our time together, I’ve mentioned a few things about it without going into detail about the name I use or things I write about because I didn’t want him to find it.
It’s not because I don’t want him to read the stuff about him, it’s more that I don’t want him to read stuff about the Ex and find out that I’ve said some of the same things about the Ex that I’ve said about him and have him get upset about it.
For example, I thought I would marry the Ex and talked about it on the blog sometimes. I can’t imagine Tall Guy would read that and feel happy about it, even though I’ve told him that I’ve been in a relationship I thought would end up with us getting married.
On Sunday night, I was talking about blogging again; about how it’s fun to read other people’s stuff and have people read yours. Tall Guy asked how I find other people’s blogs or how they find mine. I talked about blog rolls and that leaving comments on other people’s blogs usually brings them to yours. Then I talked about 20 something bloggers. And I said I have a profile on it.
Big mistake.
Naturally, Tall Guy has been curious about the blog. I told him from the beginning that I wasn’t ready for him to read it, but that I would give him the URL on December 9, 2009—a year after we met—if we were still seeing each other. He’s completely respected that and hasn’t been bugging me about telling him the address and hasn’t pressed me to tell him what I’ve been writing about.
So last night we’re sitting on the couch and he said he’d been doing some research on me. I asked if he meant he Googled me or something and he said no, I found your profile on 20 something bloggers.
Cue PANIC.
I freaked out and sat up quickly and was like WHAT!? You found my blog?! HOW!?! Apparently there is an advanced search you can do so he searched 23 year olds in Minneapolis and only two profiles came up, one that was definitely not me.
He didn’t look at my profile or see the address to my blog. I believe that he didn’t. He said he won’t until I tell him he can read it. I trust him that he’s not going to read it.
Of course, I was a little bit upset that he actually went and looked for me. But I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same thing. If Tall Guy had an anonymous blog (he used to blog but it wasn’t anonymous and I’ve read his posts) and gave me clues to its whereabouts, I would totally be Googling that shit. And if I didn’t have such a big mouth I could have prevented this from even being an issue.
So now it comes down to whether or not I should just give him the URL. As we were lying in bed last night, he said he hoped I wasn’t too upset about the issue and that he promises he will not read the blog without my permission. And the fact that he doesn’t know the URL yet makes me feel better. I told him what I mentioned above—that I’ve said some of the things I’ve told him to other people and I don’t want him to think that I’m being unauthentic when I’m saying them to him.
He understands that part of my reasoning and that it’s hard for me to let go of. Like I said, I want him to read what I’ve said about him because me writing it is much more eloquent than the things I say in person to him. I can think about my words more and make them sound better in a post. But how do I let go of the fact that he will be reading about a very personal relationship that I had in the past?
I’m almost to the point where I feel like I should block the posts from the past. I don’t want to do that because that relationship has been a huge portion of my life and I don’t know if I can just erase those memories from my blog like they never happened.
I need everyone’s advice. I don’t have to rush through my past posts and delete ones I don’t want Tall Guy to read because I know he’s not reading. But eventually, I’m going to give him the address to this blog and I want to be prepared. So do I just leave it as is and hope that Tall Guy understands? Do I tell him that he can only read from a certain point (yeah right, like I could expect someone to do that)? Do I block the posts from the past that I don’t think I’d want him to read?
You would have thought that I would have learned my lesson from the last time it happened. But apparently, I just can’t keep my mouth shut!
Oh yeah, and to the Anonymous person who said that my relationship was “full of red flags” and that I am “a needy little thing?” STFU. Thanks.
(Yes, I finally switched my comment settings after that little number so that Anonymous people can’t comment anymore.)
9 scribbles.:
Have you told him why you don't want him to read it just yet?
As in, your para 3.
Be honest, tell him why (if you haven't told him exactly why yet). I know that if I knew a blog had details about a past relationship I prob wouldn't want to read it.
Of course, he could be different.
In any case, make sure you tell him you can tell when someone visits :) (statcounter, etc.)
I guess I think I'd let him read the blog. It sounds like he knows about your past (having an Ex, thinking you'd marry the Ex, etc.) and it seems like some of the comments wouldn't be that big of a deal. Afterall, you're looking for somebody who has a certain set of qualities. It makes sense to me that the person you're with today would have some similar qualities as those you've been attracted to in the past. I have to believe that you've said some things to him that are completely unique as well...
I'm a relatively new reader (6 months or so) so I guess I can't think what you've written in the past that you'd need to cover up. Not sure that helps you at all... but thought I'd give you my 2 cents.
I think this will all work out.
I love the blogosphere...there are three of us on my Reader that are having all these similar "just started a relationship with the one who might be THE ONE and how do they fit in to our blog lives" thoughts and discussions. I love it. I worry about how much a part of our lives our blogs have bcome, but I still love it!!
As for the dilemma...I think he knows that your past is your past, and you wouldn't be who/what you are today if it hadn't happened. Does that make sense?? Like, if you hadn't been through stuff and learnt it from past relationships, then you wouldn't be the you that he appears to be falling for...Dunno. Mine does read, but he knows that I have history, and I guess if he reads something he doesn't want to then he'll skip it. It hasn't been an issue yet...fingers crossed it won't become one for you. Let us know...
x
who IS that anonymous blogger? because now they're just pissing me off. really... if they dislike what you do so much- STOP READING.
anyways.... i vote you just let him read it all. had things worked out with D- I would've eventually let him read my blog. I was very up front and honest with him about past relationships. We had alot of discussions and stuff. He's probably the only guy I would've been open to giving him the url. (although a potential new boy-more to come on that- might possibly already have it. yikes) But.. idk. I guess I'm tired of apologizing for who I am and how I feel. We all have past relationships or friendships that were intense and meant something to us. But then again- I can understand how scary it is for someone to find your blog! It is a personal thing. I guess I'd just go for it and let him read it though. You are who you are.
I would suggest blocking those posts, or saving them elsewhere and deleting them. As someone who has stumbled upon things written by my boyfriend to his ex, even when you know the facts of what happened, seeing it in writing is a million times worse. It makes it more real, whereas before you can just shrug it off.
And unless he is a man of extreme self control, he will probably read all those posts and you really just don't want that drama. I promise. It will save your relationship a lot of hardship and heartache if you just save those posts else where and take them off the blog.
Your ex is a big part of your past, but this is your current and your future, that is what's important.
Good luck!
he was honest with you about his "research" and i think that's a huge deal. also the fact that he had the information RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM and had the courtesy to wait anyway because you asked him to? that's a beautiful thing. i wouldn't give him this URL until you are positive you're ready, but i think that you have enough evidence to suggest that he'll handle the knowledge well.
also, i don't know that anyone would think less of you for taking some past posts down. every now and then i just need certain parts of my life to become the past, and one of the best ways for me to do that is to get rid of that part of the blog-- i keep all the posts, but they're not "public" anymore. it's not a denial, it's simply moving forward and moving on. and quite frankly, your relationship with the ex isn't his business unless you want it to be, so i think making certain posts private or whatever would be completely acceptable.
I think you should wait and not make this decision under pressure, when the time is right, you can reveal this little piece of yourself.. doing it now would seem (to me) as if you were doing ti out of obligation. If tall guy can wait, have him wait for when you are ready.
I really think that if he has found the link stuff then he has probably stopped by. I know he said he hasnt, but surely he would have been too curious? Even if he has, all he is gonna find is nice things about himself. I doubt he'd read too far into the past, men dont like to know about our ex-partners!
I think if your blog is a big part of your life, and you want HIM to be a big part of YOUR life, then he should be allowed to come by to read. He knows your last relationship wasnt too far behind him and he'll just have to accept what he reads and get over it because what happened, happened, plus your blog is an outlet you arent willing to give up (at least I suspect so?).
I let my husband read (and I do write about him when we argue) but he really doesnt care to read it daily.
I think you should leave your blog as it is. From what you have written, Tall Guy sounds like a mature and understanding person, who cares about you deeply. If he were to read your blog, he may not even go all the way back to the beginning. Perhaps he is just interested to see what you have written about him and your relationship. Regardless, even if he were to go back and read your blog from the beginning, it would be a great way for him to get to know you on an even deeper level. Like you, I feel I express myself much better through writing than through talking, so in my current and some past relationships, I have given my boyfriend the URLs to the various blogs I have had over the years and invited them to read if they so desired. Sure, there were particular entries I was nervous about my boyfriend reading, not knowing how he would react....but in the end, if the person truly cares about you, he will understand that that is your past, and be grateful that you trusted him enough to open up and let him see all the things that have helped to make you who you are today.
In the end though, you need to do what is best for you. :-)
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